Mystery Song of the day

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August 17, 2018

Why does she think this is so easy for me? She’s been the ONLY constant in my life. I don’t WANT to do this. And it hurts me just as much as it hurts her but I have to think about my future and my growth. I don’t see it being productive for me right now. And I’m trying to drill into my head that it’s okay but it’s just difficult.

I’m so mad that I wasn’t watching Jersey Shore before today. I smoked and started working on the site and listening to music but it wasn’t making the high “worth it”, you know? So a couple minutes ago, yes, I’m still up there, lol, I get on Hulu and start watching it and..... it’s freaking amazing. It gives me a weird calm/“it’s going to be okay” feeling about growing up. Like Snooki’s car literally went dead in the first episode but it didn’t stop her. She still went and had fun and wasn’t embarrassed about it, either. That’s how I want to be. I’m pretty resilient now but she’s like the ultimate level just for that little act alone. I’m still on episode one and she just tripped on the stairs so I can already tell she’s going to be my favorite person on here. End of discussion.

I really love him, man. He’s so sweet. He’s changing, seriously. He is. I don’t care what anybody says. He is and I can feel it. He’s going to be my husband. I’m gonna be the mother to his kids. That’s all I see. And I don’t want anything other than that. He fits into my dreams,plans and goals for my life and he makes me really happy. Sure, we have our issues but who doesn’t? I’ve been through a lot and so has he. But he makes me feel better than all of that. I don’t feel alone with him. And he’s so understanding. He’s my best friend. I’m just going to keep praying we continue to grow as well as we are right now. This genuinely feels different than anything I’ve see, felt, or heard about in life.

So, I really need to get up and pack but this show is so great. I’m trying to give myself the excuse that I have to wait on my clothes to come out of the dryer but literally 87% of what needs to be packed is sitting in a basket across my room.... freshly washed and dried. All of my hygiene products are right here. I may need a shirt or two but.. I could definitely start packing now and the dryer will probably be done by the time I finish. Actually, with all this in mind.... I’m still going to procrastinate. 😂

*I need to go get me some Ed Hardy and Juicy Couture STAT.